no one said it would be easy

you know how people often talk about starting over? how they say they are finding themselves at the end of one thing and the beginning of another? how one door has closed for them and how they are standing in front of another one? you know how often you find you can't relate to that?

well today, for the first time, i can. and i can tell you ... the end is sad ... the start is overwhelming. the door that's closed is like family and the new door in front of you is a stranger - i don't even want to touch the handle let alone step inside.

"Nobody said it was easy
It's such a shame for us to part
Nobody said it was easy
But no one ever said it would be this hard
Take me back to the start." (The Scientist, Coldplay)

dear, santa

these are $570 at Saks. what do i have to do to make this happen?

"beloved one" by ben harper

i have now gotten into the habit of listening to my iPod before i fall asleep at night. this is the last song i heard before drifting off to dreamland. i slept peacefully.

happy birthday britney spears!

Having My Cake and Eating It Too

I love this simple, selfish cliche. Excess, materialism, love, money, passion, drinks ... I want it all! Everything! Pleasure! Excess! Shoes! Beauty! Sleep! mmm

thank you Christian Louboutin

sex in a shoebox.

for a moment's peace

so i went to yoga last night. it's hard. difficult. hard to find your energy when you can barely hold the tree pose. it hurts ... digging the heel of your foot into the sensitive inner thigh. the inner thigh is a yin part of the body. Female. sensitive. but once you hold the pose long enough you are essentially giving yourself a version of acupuncture and it begins to feel good .. you wake up that portion of the body. you feed it energy. then you put your hands together in prayer position. this is namaste. i love this part. for a moment i lost touch with my reality. or maybe for a moment i was actually in touch with my reality. i had to concentrate so hard on my breathing and my balance and posture that i could not have anyone or anything else on my brain. yoga is blissfully difficult and challenging. an hour and forty-five minutes of my life melted away and yet i did not lose it. i felt every minute, i lived every minute and loved it. i will go again this weekend. namaste.